You most probably have heard of many ways the wealthy act and behave - make money when they sleep, don’t spend on luxuries, dream big but in my opinion, as somebody who’s financially free I find that there are only 3 things that you really need to do to be wealthy.

Generously give the gift of NO

Saying no is not easy. We want to belong, to be liked and often feel that means accepting, agreeing and saying yes even when inside our heads we hear no.

Let’s take modern dating. 85% of dating app users would prefer to be told directly when the person they go out with is not interested. 75% of the same people have ghosted somebody before.

We don’t want to hurt other people’s feeling but when somebody gives us a clear no as an answer, we appreciate it.

When it comes to saying no, you can take a leaf or two from Sarah Knight’s very entertaining book The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving A Fuck. Or you can start thinking about saying no… as a gift giving.

It allows somebody to know their options, to think of other things, to spend time with people who will be truly present and share in the fun.

So no, I’m not attending after-work drinks. No, I’m not available for a quick chat. No, I can’t attend your party.

Don’t feel guilty about it. Everything you do is a trade off. One yes is a thousand nos that will have consequences in the future.

When I broke up with my ex-partner, I desperately wanted to keep the house we lived in. I needed to not only prove that I could afford it but also, as my plan B, save up for a substantial mortgage overpayment. I remember - I had to say no to pretty much everything but essentials. That meant giving the gift of no very generously. To eating out, weekend breaks with friends or my favourite, overpriced gelato. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m still here, grateful for the house I got to keep and all the nos I dared to say.

When the point of wealth is freedom, that freedom starts with a no. No to anything that doesn’t serve you. Always make sure you spend your time, and your money, on creating the life you truly want. If you don’t, other people will eat it up and you will never be a priority on your list. So be generous and give the gift of no.

Make money without upsetting your stomach

Wealthy people don’t focus on how the money they have can be used to buy things now but how it can be made to create more wealth. That means focusing on their short and long term goals. They also realize that their wealth means nothing if they don’t have health to enjoy it. A way to combine these two aspects of wealth is to make money in a way that ensures you live long and well enough to enjoy it.

Morgan Housel in The Psychology of Money - terrific book, by the way - writes: “Modern capitalism is a pro at two things: generating wealth and generating envy. Perhaps they go hand in hand; wanting to surpass your peers can be the fuel of hard work. But life isn’t any fun without a sense of enough. Happiness, as it’s said, is just results minus expectations.”

When I started investing, I got quickly impressed with other people’s results and without any reflection jumped right into buying individual stocks. After losing some money - very quickly - and sleep, I realised that I enjoyed my work and side hustles for making money and didn’t want to study corporations. In the end, I accepted that I preferred largely passive investing and was much happier to let the biggest chunk of my money make money at a slower pace but without adding more stress to my life.

As humans, we’re extremely resilient and can withstand a lot. We also have our limits. The moment you turn money-making into something that makes you sick, you become a poor person. Because no matter how much money you will have one day, or are making now, if it’s at a cost of your physical or mental health, you won’t be able to enjoy it.

Michelle Obama said: “Success is only meaningful and enjoyable if it feels like your own.”

Create wealth in ways that agree with you and your stomach. Sometimes it means choosing safer options. Hopefully always acting in agreement with your moral compass.

Don’t be that person who makes money by any means possible. Be it an always overworked employee of the year, a bad landlord, a thoughtless banker or a business owner always focused on what they get, not what they give. And work out your enough because without that, you’ll only stop when you’re dead.

Do the things that scare you but move you forward

Growing wealth and growth in general don’t happen in your comfort zone but it’s easy to keep forgetting to leave it. The person who’s excellent at constantly pushing himself is Tim Ferriss. He said: “WHAT you do is more important than how you do everything else, and doing something well does not make it important.”

His way to find out that thing? Look at your to-do list and ask: which of these things make me most anxious and uncomfortable? Unsurprisingly, they’re usually the same things that you’ve been shuffling from one to-do list, to the next, and the next and so on. Then for each of these things, you ask yourself: will moving this forward make other things unimportant or easier to knock off later? Once you get to the task that makes you nod you head in agreement - you know that this is your one thing that needs doing today.

When something scares you, chances are that it also excites you. But you’re reacting to the fear and don’t let the excitement even reach you. What’s more, you probably know there’s a lot that you don’t know and will need to learn.

Another thing you can do? Start spotting “not yets” in your life. I need to change jobs but not yet. I want to move abroad but not yet. I want to start a side hustle - not yet.

Last year I booked my first open water swimming camp. Only to cancel it a week later as I knew I would have to train for it and… well, not yet. This year I booked another swimming camp. And I didn’t cancel it. Better, I reshuffled working hours so that I could attend a morning swimming course with Steven Shaw. Steven is the man who took the Alexander Technique and applied it to swimming. And if you don’t know what the Alexander technique is - it’s an approach to posture and movement that was created by an Australian actor who kept losing his voice and figured out how to prevent that by removing tension from his body. I followed my curiosity and yes, I’m still a bit nervous about my first open water swimming camp. But more than anything I’m excited and glad that I let go of my not yet.

Once you start doing things that scare you in one area of your life, you will learn to have more courage to apply the same approach in others. Like creating wealth.

Fear, lack of knowledge, lack of experience. Embrace these things. Be willing. All wealthy people are perpetual learners. The world is far too dynamic to get your formal education once and let it sit still like a swamp. You change, your interests change. Keep following your curiosity, learn and act even when you feel fear.

Be generous with the gift of no - only this one action will immediately give you more time, which you can then use to create the life YOU dream of. Keep your morals, fitness and sleep in check. How you become rich is more important than when. Finally, do things that scare you but move you forward. Any kind of growth - personal, intellectual, financial - starts with curiosity and excitement. Sometimes they’re buried under fear. The good news is: you’re the one holding a shovel.

If being wealthy means having today complete in itself, not sacrificing it for tomorrow, becoming wealthy starts at this very moment.